An Outlet for My Thoughts

I discovered this site only last night, and something about it stirred me. Perhaps it was the quiet promise of having a space — a private corner of the vast digital world — where my thoughts and emotions could live, especially on days when I could not bring myself to share them with anyone.

I have always liked the idea of record-keeping, though my attempts have been inconsistent. I began keeping a journal when I was in my second year of high school, but never maintained it for long. Still, I have always enjoyed reading over those scattered entries. They are fragments of my younger self, and each time I revisit them, I learn something new — about who I was, and who I am becoming.

Writing has never been my strength. In elementary and high school, I dreaded theme writing. I admired those who could confidently express themselves, whether through the written word or in speech. I have always believed that words — whether spoken aloud or quietly written down — are an extension of the mind, a glimpse into the inner landscapes we rarely let others see.

Right now, I should be focused on preparing for my board exam, poring over my modules, and absorbing every bit of knowledge I can. But no matter how I try, the words on the page refuse to take root in my mind. My thoughts feel scattered, preoccupied with things that are, perhaps, unnecessary at this moment. It is as if my mind’s bin is full of clutter, yet I have no clear way to empty it.

Part of me longs to escape — to go somewhere unfamiliar, where no one knows my name, where I could move freely without the weight of watchful eyes. I imagine what it might be like to disappear for a while, to strip away the expectations and see myself as I truly am. Maybe that is what I need: to know and master myself, to conduct my own experiment in living. Risky, perhaps, but I believe it might be worth it.

I also know I cannot walk this path alone. I need someone, or something, to remind me that both secular and spiritual morality can coexist — that I can live in this world without compromising the values I hold dear. Above all, I need to seek myself now, while there is still time, before I find what remains of me wasted or broken.