Dont Mind Me

Students just come and go. I stayed in that place for almost 10 hours of my time today. I just couldn't believe it! I rarely go to that place when I was a student because I know I am expected to study my lessons when I get there. lol..

Well, it was so nice to be back to that huge building. It has been a long while since the last time I said hello to that building's personnel to show an ID just to get in. I could say, from those few times that I've been there until now, that there are no apparent changes in the physical set-up of the area. From the chair to the table arrangements, the shelves, the computer area, the personnel who checks ids, everything's almost the same, in this section at least. If there's one thing that seem to have changed is that number of students who use their own laptops to utilize the wireless connection to the internet. I would like to believe now that the university is no longer an institution for the poor. Oh well, I hate to emphasize more on this anyway.

Well, I am not supposedly allowed to be there in the first place. That was a place strictly for the university's currently enrolled students and its faculty members. I was just able to borrow my sisters identity and there I got in. Oh yeah! I should have not did that, I just so badly need it though. I feel the need to go to a place where I could do my stuffs in preparation for my board exam. That place, with all the spirit of silence and serenity, just led me back to being a poor student who brought nothing but my thirst for learning and success. I did cheat just to get in yet who would blame me anyway? The thing is, I never did something to harm someone or give that place a bad name. I was just silently sitted, dazed at solving problems in my borrowed desk while I see some students sleeping nearby. I believe that was not too much to ask. My presence there was just like one grain of sand in the seashore anyway! It doesnt make any difference if I go there or not. That was my first time to do that anyway! hehe..And I guess I will count more for the next few days.

I got home almost 11pm and told of the news that Diane's boyfriend, Alrin, has just passed the nursing board exam. He just didn't simply passed it but made it to almost top the whole batch. He was the 2nd from the top! It was really an applauding accomplishment and my sister is more than happy and proud of him. Everybody else does when we let the news spread to our friends. And they were all like eyeing on me. They were like telling me that its almost my turn now. My board exam is almost here! And I don't feel very confident to pass the board exam and what more to make it to the top? I just so hate it when people expect so much from me. I feel so pressured, like everybody's pushing me to do well in the spotlight. And after that result from Alrin's, I just so need to do my best! I dont feel I am giving my best shot at the moment though and from this time on, maybe I will. Even just for this part of my whole life, I am going to take my refresher class seriously. I just positively need it now with all my power to give that thing emphasis! It isn't about pleasing the people around me but it is something I want to accomplish for my parents. I just want to give them back a bit of all the sacrifices they endured for me to reach this stage of my life. I know it is going to be a huge blast of frustration for them if I fail this exam.

With those things in mind, I just need to visit that place more often. That would mean dishonesty, again and again, just to get in the UP Main Library. :-)