Finding Neverland..

I'm leaving..I just dont know where to go. Been joking the past few days how I wanted to reach Neverland and it's funny how my friends play waking me up from a deep sound sleep. . It's crazy yet I guess my adventure will start in the morrow. Im heading nowhere...and I got no idea where this insanity will take me. Im just fed up with all the things happening in my own home. Im kind of evaluating the past..and I just cant help feel sorry about myself.

I was baptized at age 12 in the mormon church. I could say that I grew up a strong young woman. Even when nobody in my family seemed to care about my spiritual growth, I still tried hard to progress and mature in truth. I use to be a seminary student howbeit I did not qualify for a seminary diploma for reasons that my best wasn’t good enough to maintain my attendance. My family was not active in the church during those times. I remember going alone to church back then with nothing but my so fragile testimony. At the tender age of my youth, I learned to fight for what I believed and knew to be true. I learned to prioritize things and set goals necessary for my spiritual growth. Through the years I was amazed how such testimony grew into a solid one. I did all that is required of me just so I could qualify myself a member worthy to enter the temple. Yet now everything has changed. I could no longer say I'm still living every principle of the gospel.

I’m already 23 and is about to take my board exam. After my exam, I still don’t know what is in store. As of the moment, I just can’t help feel sad about my home’s current situation. I am still an active member of the church. In fact, I am serving now as a Young Women president and a ward missionary. You see, my mom is a temple worker. She’s said to be serving the Lord in the temple 3 days a week and is currently the relief society president of the ward. We go to church every Sunday with our teacher’s manuals and scriptures. (my younger sister use to teach in YW class too) Everything in the church is very ideal. I just can see there the kind of life I would want for my own family. However, sometimes there are just things that we learn in the church that remains there after the Sunday services. We term that Sunday Mormons when members do not what they are supposed to be doing all week.

I will be leaving my home for that very reason. I'm kind of frustrated to see my Mom teaching the doctrine and not living the principles. If I were an investigator, I will never embrace the gospel with my Mom as my mentor. I'm not saying she is that bad.. but in a lower scale she's guilty of being one. We've always got a lot to argue about. And it just so happened that this day was the worst fight we ever had. She went too physical. Maybe we’re just too different, the way we think and our ability to accept things. It’s not that I’m saying I am better because I know I never am. It’s just that, there are things that she must first learn for herself before teaching them forward. We never can share what we do not have and whatever we do will return to us a hundred fold. Love begets love and respect begets respect. I believe that is how it always works in this world. I believe we were both guilty of pride though. I feel a bit of anger and frustration yet I know “there is an expiration” to those feelings.

I will be searching for Neverland in the morrow hoping to meet Peter Pan in his sphere. I just so want to fly away from all the sorrows and worries of my world, wishing to at least have a taste of a peaceful carefree world where I could temporarily forget who I really am. It’s really fantastic to live in such a world where nobody gets old. I just hope my fascination to such an idea will not lead me in that same pit where I use to be trapped into. I pray to be like Wendy who still chose to come back home. I liked her attitude of wanting her life restored to what is normal in her world -to still grow up even if it would mean her pain, sorrow, and frustrations.